Doing the work (when you're afraid to)

There was a thread on Wet Canvas that really hit me where I lived. It was called "Does anyone worry about not being excellent?"

First a bit about me: I have wanted to get into art for a very long time but have only really done something about it a few years ago. I think the main thing that kept me from doing anything for so long was the fear of not being able to do well at it (like I was going to be a Rembrandt the first time I picked up a brush or something). It's safe to do nothing because you don't fail, but it's also really boring.

Anyway, some fear of failure, a dash of no decent art classes in twelve years of public schooling, a push to focus on "more important things," and here we are. It took major surgery to make me figure out that if there's something I want to do one of these days, I damned well better get to it before I run out of "these days."

My particular problem is that I get so nervous that some days (weeks?) it's hard to pick up a brush. I love going to classes but often end up intimidated because I look around and see that everyone else is so much better (I dread the beginning of a class where you have to talk about your art background and everyone else talks about how they've been drawing before they could walk and have never stopped).  Comparison is a fool's game, I know, but still...

Anyway, when I commented on the thread saying I get so nervous about it that it pulls me out of the studio, I got the nicest reply:

Ed, as far as letting it pull "studio time" away from you, I think you have to work on changing that aspect of it. I'm not saying you should be able to turn it into inspiration and not let it bother you anymore. I know it doesn't work like that.  

I fully know how you feel because I have been feeling the same feelings - probably more than ever. In fact, the older I get, the more it comes up because I'm not FRESH out of art school, or 20-something, or "now," or new, or YOUNG. Still, if you try to keep you nose to the grindstone and work despite how you are feeling, then you are opening yourself. You are being vulnerable and taking a risk that you might do a "bad" drawing or painting - and guess what? That vulnerable place is exactly where the artist should be. That's where new ideas come from, and big strides happen. It doesn't matter how late you came.

That is something I need to take to heart. I need to push through the feelings of inadequacy and just make something. If I don't put the time in, I'll never get anything out.

What I'm Reading: Inside the Painter's Studio

I am fascinated by process. Since painting is such a solitary pursuit, it can be hard to visualize the journey by looking at the end product. Since I am relatively new to painting, it's easy for me to assume that the process is difficult for me but not for all those other people because they know what they're doing while I'm just fumbling around. (At this point, I need to remember that Degas said on his deathbed: "Damn, and just when I was starting to get it!")

Inside the Painter's Studio was the result of an art project of Joe Fig's where he interviewed artists in their workspace and built a miniature diorama of their studio. Not being very conversant of contemporary art, there were a lot of artists I had never heard of before but I really enjoyed the interviews with the authors - instead of dwelling in the abstract, he asks down-to-earth questions like "what kind of paint do you use?" and "do you listen to the radio or television while you work?" If you want to learn a lot about the workflow of some really great living artists, give this book a read.

A visit to N.C. Wyeth's studio

I didn't post last week because we went on a vacation. We were in Philadelphia with a side trip to Gettysburg so a whole lotta history there. History and cheesesteaks.

One of the highlights of the trip was a side trip to the Brandywine Museum of Art. Located in Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania, it is also the town where the Wyeth family lived and painted. N.C. Wyeth built a house in Chadds Ford in 1911 and a studio shortly afterward. His son Andrew Wyeth lived in a house (formerly a one-room schoolhouse) nearby as did his son, Jamie.

I am a big fan of the Golden Age of Illustration (1880s to 1930s more or less), so this trip was a real treat for me. There is an excellent display of N.C. Wyeth's work, including the original paintings of his illustrations for Robert Louis Stevenson's Treasure Island. There were also some work by some of his contemporaries, like Howard Pyle. The paintings by Andrew and Jamie (some of which I got so see during the excellent show the Denver Museum of Art at the end of 2015) were also great.

In addition, we got to go on a tour of the Wyeth studios...


N.C.'s studio is really well preserved (and large because he did a lot of mural work). The painting in the picture was the painting he was working on at the time of his death.

The windows (north light, naturally) are huge and let a lot of great light in. You can also see some of his extensive reference library as well as some of the bits and pieces he would use for models as well as Halloween costumes (just behind that easel is a plaster bust of Washington with a felt tricorner hat on it that we was using as a reference.

I thought his palette was very interesting -- the guide said that was soon as his daughter learned he died in an automobile accident, she ran out to the studio and wrote DO NOT USE and the date in pencil on it. so you're looking at the paint he was using on his final works right there.

I also thought it was interesting that he used some really small brushes. There are some bigger ones in the jar on the table in back though.

This is his work table. It's a lot neater than mine, that's for sure.

I thought it was an amazing trip and the museum is well worth a trip if you're in the area (it was about an hour away from Philadelphia).

Figure drawing

I have been going to figure drawing classes at the Alvarez Art School for a while now. He's a great teacher and it is invaluable to draw from a living, breathing model. As usually happens, some classes are better than others but last night's class really clicked for me. I have no idea why - part of me is wondering if the meditating I've been doing is helping me "be in the moment" and not get hung up on things (that sure would be nice). Whatever the reason, things were really flowing for me last night.

New art -- sugar skulls

I am working on some stuff for an upcoming Day of the Dead show so here is some work in progress.

"Off The Wall" video interview

This is a video that was done for a exhibition I had with the Pikes Peak Library District back in the beginning of the year. I had done a lot of Abstract Expression and the show was the result.

"Off The Wall" with Artist, Edward Sherman 2016 from Ralph Giordano on Vimeo.

Thought of the week

"Inspiration is for amateurs -- the rest of us just show up and get to work. And the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will -- through work -- bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great "art idea." And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don't have to reinvent the wheel every day. Today, you'll know what you do, you could be doing what you were doing yesterday, and tomorrow you are gonna do what you did today, and at least for a certain period of time you can just work. If you hang in there, you will get somewhere."

-- Chuck Close

What I'm reading: The Little Book of Talent

This book and its predecessor (The Talent Code) were recommended to me by one of my art teachers. The first book explores the idea of "how do you get good at something"? Coyle looks at the circumstances that makes people excel at a skill, and it's not necessarily where you'd think: the run-down Russian tennis club that has produces multiple tennis stars, the North Baltimore Aquatic Club that Michael Phelps (as well as several other Olympic medalists) trained at, and so on. It turns out you don't need state-of-the-art equipment or the highest tech to make a champion -- usually the opposite, in fact. What you do need is a relentless focusing on the basics as well as constant practice and review.

While The Talent Code was an overview of these ideas, The Little Book of Talent discusses more practical applications of these ideas. There are bite-sized chapters encapsulating the ideas like:

• Spend fifteen minutes a day engraving the skill on your brain
• Choose five minutes a day over an hour a week
• Don't fall for the prodigy myth

And, probably my favorite, tip #5:

Be willing to be stupid

He uses some great examples to back up his points (tip #21: Think in images). It's a really short book, about 125 pages, with space for notes (tip #4: Buy a notebook) in the back. I find it a really motivating book and one that I'll be referring to quite a bit in the future.

Figure painting workshop

I finished a figure painting workshop this weekend -- Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

It was pretty tiring -- I'm not used to painting five hours a day, that's for sure. It was really fun painting from live models, although it was difficult capturing the image. I take a weekly figure drawing class from the same teacher so I think I was able to use some of those gesture capturing skills much better than the last time I took the class (last November, I think). Manipulating the paint in the time given, though -- that was harder, especially as we added more colors as the weekend went on.

I think the two big things I took from the class are:

1) I need to paint and draw more on my own. I need to practice gestures a lot more as well. There was a time where I was knocking out quick gestures (5-10 seconds) for a couple of hours every day. I need to get back to that as well as painting more often.

2) Color! A class like this shows me how shaky I am at color identification and mixing. I'm still at that point where I try to match a color be mixing it and putting it down on the canvas and I go, "no, that's not quite right..." but sometimes I just can't articulate why. We were talking this weekend about greenish shadows or purplish fleshtones and most of the time I just couldn't see it. I think (and hope) that if I do more of (1) that (2) will follow.

Here's a quick study I was really pleased with this weekend:

"Red Barn," Acrylic on canvas, 12" by 12"

My latest art show is finished

I just picked up three pieces from the latest art show I participated in, but first a bit of prologue.... 

A while back, Meg and I were sitting at breakfast when she told me she had a really weird dream.

"Oh, really? What was it about?"

"I was dreaming you had a new body of work." (At this point, I was interested because I haven't started anything new lately and was pretty short on ideas)

"What was it?"

"You were painting superheroes Andy Warhol-style." Intriguing. She didn't have any more details, so I filed that away for future reference.

Fast forward to...May-ish. Anyway, I was looking through a Call for Entries at The Cottonwood Center of the Arts and saw an upcoming show called "Make it So" Fan Art Show and Cosplay Event." Well, this is fate, isn't it? I guess I have to paint some superheroes now, don't I? I ended up doing three pieces and brought them in. All three got accepted, and I was really proud of them.

It was quite fun really...it wasn't a "serious" art show (so low pressure) and we had a good time at the opening with all the cosplay going on. As an added bonus, one of my pieces was reprinted in our local alternative newspaper when they listed the show as one of their Indy Picks. That's the first time I've had anything I've done in print and that was exhilarating to say the least.

What I'm Reading: Grunt

I just finished reading Mary Roach's new book, Grunt. If you haven't read any of her books (like Stiff or Packing for Mars), I highly recommend them. She takes a subject (in this case, the science that goes on behind keeping our military healthy and safe) and answers questions you've never thought to ask, with some pretty hilarious results. She's called "America's funniest science writer" for a reason.

I won't go into too much detail here, but it isn't her style to spend a lot of time on the "obvious" issues, instead going for the stuff you'd never consider in a million years -- think less PTSD, more weaponized odors and designing sniper clothing.

What always strikes me about Mary Roach's writing is her insatiable curiosity and willingness to ask ridiculous questions. I wish I could say that my desire to learn outweighed my fear of looking stupid because when I worry too much about "not looking dumb" I end up missing out on a lot of opportunities.

First post! First post!

Beginnings are hard. I have a second and a third post in mind, but not a first.

Why am I blogging in the first place? I thought it would be nice to share what's going on in my life because my natural inclination is to, well, not. I thought maybe if I talked to you, O Invisible Reader Out There, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. Then if you get something out if it as well, hey, bonus! Everybody wins!